i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
