Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
