Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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