And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
