Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
