yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
