yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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