o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
