I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
