anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
