I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
