no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
