He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am naked and annoyed.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
