My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
