You just made me feel so damn special
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
