I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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