roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
