Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
