You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize