Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
