i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
