He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
