i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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