Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I believe in your delicious
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
