I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
