i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
