Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
