ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
