I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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