it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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