kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
