I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
