Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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