I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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