She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Found the puke drawer
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
