Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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