I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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