The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
