I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You're like the curious george of whores
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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