Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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