you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
