just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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