Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
