as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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