Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
