I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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