you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
