She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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