last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
