i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
