Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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