i may or may not be watching the land before time
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
