I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize