I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
