Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
