I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
