so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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