I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
