I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late