Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.