I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana