Your face is a jimmy john
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
