he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
