I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
