he puts the penis in happiness.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
